The Ad Contrarian • Tags • Page 6 of 6 •

The Ad Contrarian: Unsolicited Advice For Large Corporations

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) It is not enough these days for the overfed fat cats of large corporations to make billions of dollars. Now they want to be loved and admired. Here’s some advice for them and for the poor fools who have to implement their delusional PR and social media plans.

1. When will you be loved? Um…never. I know, people just don’t understand how much good you do and what a wonderful company you are. Oh, and your people are the best! Well, guess what? Nobody gives a sh*t. There are going to be a substantial number of people who think you are a criminal enterprise and that the world would be better off without you. Stop whining and get used to it. It’s the price you pay for being big and successful.

2. Do good things and shut up. It’s fine to speak modestly about the generous things you do, but don’t pound your chest and don’t rub our noses in it. You are expected to do good things. Generosity and community-mindedness are not extra-credit projects, they are your responsibility. Be charitable and generous because they are the right things to do, not because you want bouquets.

3. Put your money where your mouth is. There is a fashion among large corporations and politicians to glorify small business — while they’re stomping all over it. If you really believe in small business, hire them as suppliers. Have an officer whose job it is to identify small companies that can do a better job for you than the big dumb oafs you are currently using. You’ll do a lot more for small businesses by employing them than by your patronizing lip service.

Social Media bombs on Black Friday

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) Despite all the hyperventilating over social media, people with open minds and judicious temperaments are still unconvinced that it has significant impact on commerce.

We know that display advertising on social media sites, notably Facebook, has delivered a whole lot less than promised.

But defenders of social media marketing tell us that it is not the advertising value of social media networks that makes them so magical. It’s the content value.

The story goes that the real strength of social media is manifest in the feeds and updates on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and Linked In. Here people see marketers’ posts and they also see the endorsements and referrals from members of their “community” and are powerfully influenced by them.

It’s a lovely little story. Unfortunately, it’s all bullshit.

The Man In The Gray Flannel iPhone

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) In the 1950s there was a very popular book and movie called The Man In the Gray Flannel Suit.

It was a complicated tale, but one of the key threads was about conformity.

The icon of 1950’s conformity was the suburban male office worker, commuting by train to “the city,” trapped in an unfulfilling life of materialism, social climbing, and status anxiety.

Like all cliches, this had elements of both truth and fiction. Even though most of us weren’t there to experience it, in our mythology this caricature has served us well as a short-hand for the zeitgeist of the period.

While commuting to “the city” the other day, it occurred to me that there is a new and evolving type of male big city office worker.

I saw this person a lot last week. There was a very large tech-related convention in San Francisco and public transit was jammed with these guys. They wore clean jeans and had colorful oxford shirts with their tails out. They had expensive eye wear and messenger bags thrown over their shoulders. They were thumbing away on their iPhones which were attached to their heads via earbuds.

Social Media Effect: “Barely Negligible”

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) If you’re in the business of selling stuff, according to one big-time research firm social media marketing is a waste of your time and money.

Forrester Research has released a report recently that concludes…

“Social tactics are not meaningful sales drivers. While the hype around social networks as a driver of influence in eCommerce continues to capture the attention of online executives, the truth is that social continues to struggle and registers as a barely negligible source of sales for either new or repeat buyers. In fact, fewer than 1% of transactions for both new and repeat shoppers could be traced back to trackable social links.”

Now think about this for a minute. This study is about the influence of online social media on online sales. If the influence on online sales is “barely negligible” can you imagine the influence on traditional retail sales (which account for about 94% of everything sold?) What’s below barely negligible? Strongly negligible?

Triumph Of The Anti-Language

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) There is a talk I give to groups from time to time called “The Golden Age Of Bullsh*t.”

The talk has a few basic themes. One of which is that we are living in an age in which business bullsh*t artists have invented an anti-language. Its objective is to confuse rather than clarify. This is the opposite of what language is supposed to do.

Yesterday I received an email from from Oracle. The headline said:

Architecting Business Continuity Essentials for Enterprise Applications

Eager to find out how my enterprise applications could be architected for business continuity I read on.

I learned that I could…

Facilitate capacity planning and performance tuning. And effectively consolidate and virtualize enterprise application environments.

All I can say is, if you’ve never virtualized your enterprise application environment, dude it’s awesome.

Google Is Blackmail

by Bob Hoffman (@adcontrarian) The way I see it, Google is a brilliantly executed extortion racket.

The key concept to understand is that Google makes its money through misdirection.

They get nothing for directing you to the most accurate search result. They get paid to artfully direct you away from the most accurate search result.

Natural (free) search takes you to the most likely thing you’re searching for, according to their algorithms. Paid search takes you to the person who was willing to pay the most for the term you are searching. It is misdirection.

They are very clever about this. If the misdirection is too obvious or egregious, you’ll lose confidence in them and search elsewhere. They walk a fine line, and are careful about just how much misdirection is acceptable.