by Herman Manson (@marklives) It’s 1 April 2014 and news sites, newspapers and broadcasters are out to get you. Last year, Mxlish was included as South Africa’s 12th official language, Oscar Pistorius signed up for North Korea’s inaugural Friendship Run and Juju joined the DA.
What with elections just around the corner, this year’s April Fool’s stories dealt with popular voter gripes. News24 announced Western Cape premier Helen Zille is moving to Khayelitsha; MyBroadband tackled Nkandla’s ‘but I never asked for it’ telecommunications infrastructure; and TimesLive reported that you can dodge paying e-tolls by driving exactly 113 km/h.
The story of the day goes to The Daily Maverick for announcing the merger of the SABC, Independent News & Media, The New Age and ANN 7.
Some April Fool’s highlights from around the South African web
News24: Helen Zille moves to Khayelitsha
Helen Zille would be forgoing her normal lifestyle as Western Cape premier and be moving into the township of Khayelitsha for the last two weeks before the 7 May elections. Other party leaders would take over her final campaign commitments.
The Daily Maverick: The SABC, Independent News & Media, The New Age & ANN 7 to merge
In a move that surprised many and brought joy to even more, The SABC, Independent News & Media and Gupta-owned The New Age/ANN7 are set to announce today that they are merging into one giant entity whose goal would be to, once and for all, tell the definitive truth about South Africa; day in, day out, on all media channels, until Jesus comes.
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“No more will the imperial powers own this country’s truth through their daily print mouthpieces that are still stuffed with unreformed racists and so-called journalists that refuse to acknowledge the reality of South Africa’s good story to tell. No more will the foreigners, foreign or local, decide what is truth and what is not truth. No more will the media consumers of this beautiful country be straitjacketed into the darkness of the fact-based reporting and the hopelessness that is so much at odds with all the sunshine we enjoy every day these days.”
Times Live: Avoid paying e-tolls by travelling at 113km/h
Documents seen by The Times and confirmed by Sanral insiders show that, if motorists travel at exactly 113km/h, the special camera systems cannot capture their vehicle’s registration number.
Kapsch has warned Sanral to remove the glitch from the system, known as Prying on Every Person Holding Out Legally (Poephol).
MyBroadband: Nkandla’s R1 million a month broadband service
Security upgrades at Nkandla include a satellite Earth station and dedicated microwave links, which cost millions of rands… The operational costs for Nkandla’s telecoms services include satellite bandwidth, and the maintenance of the Earth station, teleport dish and microwave equipment. These costs can easily exceed R1 million per month.
IOL: Western Cape Leopard Toad exiled to Robben Island
In an unprecedented show of co-operation, four government departments have tirelessly worked together over the last 12 months to find a way to save the endangered Leopard Toad, on the brink of extinction as a result of a rapidly disappearing natural habitat.
The toad can be saved if a suitably protected area is established to protect the species. However, rampant development all across the peninsula has eliminated most if not all suitable sites.
Prominent Cape Town Herpetologists are unanimous that there is only one site in the Western Cape that would be ideal: Robben Island.
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According to sources, the opening of the new heritage site is planned for April 1, 2015 and the budget will not exceed R246 million.
M&G Online: M&G gets tour of Zuma’s Nkandla home
In an unexpected move, the presidency has thrown open the doors of Jacob Zuma’s Nkandla homestead to the M&G, inviting us for a tour of the property.
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We can now also exclusively report that:
- the fire pool at the compound is not, in fact, on fire;
- the visitors’ centre features a number of arcade games to compensate for long waiting times to see the president, including Dance Dance Revolution; and
- what has come to be known as the “cattle kraal” is actually [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF STATE SECURITY]
Local brand pranking
Absa, Official Team Sponsor of the Springboks, announced that the team will be debuting a new red and gold kit in 2014.
International pranking
The Guardian: Scotland to switch to driving on the right if independence given green light
Seeking to capitalise on the arguments this week about “bullying” England and keeping the pound, they will unveil an ambitious scheme to scrap the current – English inspired – road signage system. M for motorway will be replaced with a new S – for Scotland and the A trunk roads will become N roads – for Nationalist in honour of the new country. Blue will be the predominant backing colour.
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It is estimated that 58,000 signs will have to be replaced – scrapping the famous road sign font known as “Transport” with a new Celtic-tinged typeface, Proclaimer. And it could be that they may take the opportunity to renumber all of Scotland’s roads, beginning at one.
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