by Emma King (@EmmainSA) Last month I was approached by two junior ex-colleagues (from different agencies) who both asked me for advice as they were being bullied or intimidated by their line-managers. In both cases, the senior person was belittling them and their work in front of other people; making them do unreasonable tasks; and putting them down, often subtly, so that they felt that couldn’t speak up against it.
Not uncommon
The problem is that I don’t think this is uncommon. In both of these cases, they were female employees being bullied by female managers. But I think this crosses the spectrum — of all sexes, all ages, and all levels within businesses.
I know of many colleagues and friends in the industry who can recount similar stories. And they weren’t all junior when it happened. These people have gone on to be heads of departments, directors in blue-chip companies, and industry leading figures, so their work or ability can’t be blamed either.
What a pity that we work in an industry where this is so rife. Perhaps the very nature of it encourages it — it’s an unforgiving industry, where one is only as good as one’s last campaign; where one has be louder, more confident and often more aggressive in order to keep afloat and to make waves.
Perhaps we think we need to put other people down in order to make ourselves look better and to be successful?
Personal experience
I speak from personal experience. When I was a couple of years into my career, as a lowly account manager, I had a line manager who was a complete nightmare, shouting and intimating everyone below her, often resulting in them hiding in the bathrooms in tears. But, in front of the senior staff and her managers, she was all saccharine sweetness and charm.
When I tell people about how traumatised I was at the time, I’m met with disbelief. Anyone will tell you that I am hardly the shy and retiring type, and so friends find it hard to believe that I couldn’t stand up for myself and tell her where to go.
But the problem with bullies is that they succeed by using their power — in a work place, the fact that they are senior — to force their subjects into silence, because we are hardwired to respect and not to challenge a senior. An ongoing assault of verbal put-downs and confrontations follow, meaning that the subjects are slowly but surely pushed to a level where they don’t believe in their own worth or ability.
So, what’s the solution that I gave to the young women who asked for my advice?
No one-size-fits-all solution
All situations are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But some things are the same, I think, wherever you are.
In ideal world, one would be able to stand up and challenge the bully, either face-to-face or via channels such as HR; sometime this works. After all, most bullies are like small dogs — all big bok when they are barking from behind their gate, but open it and they run away and hide.
But, in some cases, where bullies are incredibly aggressive, confrontation makes it worse, and one needs to face a possibility where outward aggression becomes an everyday issue that needs to be faced up to.
The truest advice, sadly, is that people generally won’t change. And so the situation itself needs to be changed, which often means leaving the environment completely and finding another job.
Incredibly liberating
It’s tough to make a decision like this, but it’s also incredibly liberating to give someone the middle finger and leave a toxic situation. And even better to find an environment that is supportive and one in which talents and ability are recognised, nurtured and celebrated.
Emma King (@EmmainSA) is the owner and MD of The Friday Street Club (@TheFridayStClub). Previously, she was head of PR at The Jupiter Drawing Room (Cape Town). She contributes the monthly “The Dissident Spin Doctor” column on PR and communication issues to MarkLives.com.
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