If you’ve ever subjected yourself to one of those self-help books, or been unfortunate enough to have to take a course in marketing (yawn) you will have realised the benefit of selling on your strong points. If you’ve done both you will know it doubly.

South African talent at chasing away foreigners, stealing their possessions and then burning what’s left was again on display recently just outside of De Doorns. Since most citizens have only a vague idea of where De Doors might be situated (personally I could not be bothered to find a map book so I could direct you in even the general direction) the little flare up that displaced a couple of hundred people and deprived local farms of cheap (apparently) labour popped out of collective consciousness rather quickly.

It only really called me to pause when connected to the rather violent behaviour of a pizza delivery boy I witnessed only last week (for real people, on a Thursday late afternoon just after 7pm, at the crossing opposite the Lord Charles Hotel in Somerset West). Said individual was speeding illegally down the middle of two lanes and came to a screeching halt next to my car just as the robot flashed red. Off he jumped, dumping his pizza delivery kit (with the St Elmo’s logo emblazoned on the side) onto the road, and down the street he ran. His target – an illegal flower salesman trying to sell his wilting wares to the not so generous members of the public and standing – you guessed it – on the white line in the middle of the road. Punches flew (rather one sidedly) and he stalked off back to his bike with a final “volgende keer ry ek jou vrek!”

Since Zimbabwe seem to have emptied itself of all but the elderly, the very young and the obscenely rich, most South Africans have made some sort of peace with the large numbers of hawkers turning every stop sign into a marketplace. We act accordingly, winding up our windows, staring ahead of us and mouthing ‘fuck-off’ soon as the motorist behind us shifts his or her attention back to completing the sms they were busy typing.

But wait, says my inner marketing guru, sell the strong points. South Africa could turn its flare for violence into to its favour. We’ll be hosting the World Cup in 2010 to boot so we have a ready made market for our Violent Adventure Tours™®©. Join the locals in beating up the hungry and the weak – they probably won’t even hit back! We could introduce themed tours – why limit ourselves to beating up the displaced?

Perhaps a beat up bikers who chase hawkers down the middle of the road day. Or a piss in a cup and hand it out to thankful strangers’ day (that one is always good for a laugh and should be a massive hit on YouTube – viral marketing that won’t cost us a cent). The possibilities are endless. Beat up Jansen day. This is my car now day. Swipe your credit card day (have to think about this one – the message might be too subtle for some).

We will put yob culture to shame. Algerians, Egyptians and the Brits will flock to our country, spending pounds and dinars. We could probably become the destination of choice for citizens of the American South and the Chinese bureaucracy.

An ad campaign by Tarantino featuring Brad Pitt. With a voice over by Morgan Freeman (always). There is money to be made. And it’s in Violent Adventure Tours™®©. Let’s grab the niche before the Somalis wake up and smell the teargas.

PS: How clued up is St. Elmo’s to the digital media space? We are about to find out. I for one expect a donation to a homeless shelter of their choice and  a special promotion tying into Violent Adventure Tours™®© soon as it breaks.